Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
