Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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