There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
