we have officially lost it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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