You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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