final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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