Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
