Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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