I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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