I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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