Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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