he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
