she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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