she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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