Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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