We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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