the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my god I love twenty year old dicks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
