im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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