did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
