sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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