did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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