so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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