i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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