I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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