States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
