He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
