Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
