We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
