the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
