pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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