some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
