I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
