Tell her she can't have a vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
