people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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