sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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