I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
