Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
