xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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