shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
