I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
