Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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