the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
