i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
