Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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