i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
