im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
