He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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