if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
