Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
