I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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