Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
