I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
