He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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