im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
