end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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