I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
