yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
