It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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