dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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