I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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