we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
