It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
