lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize