who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
