i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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