My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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